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Thursday, October 08, 2009
What Planet Are Rock Star Designers On?
£495 for a Ronnie Wood dress? What planet are these rock stars on?
When Ronnie Wood isn't in rehab or leaving the wife and kids for an "adventure" with a teenage cocktail waitress, he's reforming the Faces (without Rod) or preparing to record the 1765th Rolling Stones album with Mick and Keef. He's also an accomplished painter – despite sinking so many pints of Guinness it's a wonder he can hold a brush. But the ace Face is nothing if not talented and resourceful. His latest venture is a clothing range, unveiled in one of the Sunday supplements last week.
Allow me to lead you to Liberty's website, where you can gaze at the togs in all their glory. I'm particularly taken by the "unisex black guitar crew-neck top", emblazoned with a giant axe and signed by the man himself. Suits you, Sir! (mine's a medium, Ron, if you're reading). And for the lady, the "blue orchid shift dress", "a sleeveless shift with a round neckline, nipped in at the waist with dart detailing". The breathtaking dress (size 8 for the girlfriend, Ron, if you could) is covered with brightly coloured flowers, reminiscent of Picasso. What more could any style-conscious music fan want? Money, it seems. And lots of it. The top was a whopping £195 before last night's reduction to a still-pricey £110, whereas those on a shoestring can take comfort that the dress has dropped from £550 to just, er, £495.
Basically, to afford any of Ron's clothes you'd have to be one of the toffs who posh it up with Mick at the Henley Regatta. Or in the Rolling Stones. I mean, those are the sort of prices you might pay for an Alexander McQueen or similar – and, as Ron might put it, "'e's a proper designer, inne'?"
Ron isn't the only rocker selling eye-wateringly expensive clothes. Liam Gallagher's Pretty Green range also seems designed to part long-suffering Oasis fans from their money. Still, at least no one can accuse the singer of being original – Pretty Green is a Jam song. Gallagher's account-draining £125 "lime monkeys" look like green Harringtons to us. They're not quite in Ron's cash-hoovering league, and for £40 you can have a T-shirt "created to Liam's exact specifications" (it's a T-shirt, with the Pretty Green logo on it). Or how about £35 for a "cricket hat" But didn't we once see the Stone Roses' Reni modelling something similar? And can't you buy that sort of headgear at the beach for just a fiver?
In fact, if we weren't being charitable (and we're not – we can't afford it if we're going to buy Ron's T-shirt), we'd suspect that Ron has spent too much time hanging out with millionaires since officially joining the Rolling Stones in 1976. Or that Gallagher has forgotten his roots and thinks he can have a career in fashion after the Oasis split. But the fans aren't happy. "I don't mind paying if they're worth it, but they're worth s**t-all for their prices," writes one perturbed punter on Gallagher's Facebook, while another adds, "Oi Liam! Your Pretty Green clothes suck ...!"
Ouch. We think this is particularly unfair, because at least the Pretty Green range isn't as inadvisable as the lager-lout shirt-over-jeans look Liam and Noel modelled circa (What's the Story) Morning Glory?
Maybe Burnage's finest should take his cue from hip-hop, whose stars make their clothes affordable to the fans that made them famous. Gallagher's fellow skint-boy-turned-rich-kid 50 "Fiddy" Cent offers a fetchingly ghastly "G-Unit jewel dropper T-shirt" for a mere $14.99. Or how about Tinchy Stryder's affordable "Star in the hood" hoody? – all the rage, if you're too young to get into grown-up grime.
Are these rockers taking the piss, or would you rather blow £125 on a Liam "lime monkey" or £195 on a Ronnie tee than a cheapo Tinchy? Or would you rather be seen dead in a 1986 Bros tour-shirt than any of this clobber?
via L4e / theguardian.co.uk
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