Now it’s official...I’m cool. Why? Because Liam from Oasis said so!

THERE’S an unwritten code of conduct we all have to follow when we’re working out in the gym.

You’ll see the notice on the wall about wiping down the machines when you’re finished, not using mobile phones, and stopping if you feel breathless.

But these other rules are just as important.

They govern how we interact with the men and women who’re training at the same time as us.

You won’t find these rules written down anywhere and they’re rarely talked about, which is why so many of us feel awkward trying to get them right – or get them totally wrong.

Say too much to other people in the gym and you come across as an annoying, needy chatterbox trying to make new friends. Don’t say anything and you’re an unfriendly workout obsessed freak.

How loud should the music on your iPod be? Is it okay to sing-a-long? What about grunting and groaning when you’re lifting weights – is that acceptable or just showing off?

Should you keep your eyes fixed on an imaginary spot on the wall or is it OK to look around at other people ... and their bodies?

What I object to most is the person on the treadmill beside me glancing at my control panel to see if I’m going slower than they are.

I had some serious worries about all this last week when I found myself working out alongside Oasis singer Liam Gallagher.

He was up here for his band’s shows at the SECC and the hotel he was staying in happened to be attached to the fitness club I go to in Erskine.

The young boy at reception was bursting with excitement and told me who it was. I dashed into the changing rooms, tore off my work clothes and threw on my shorts, t-shirt and trainers in record time. I wanted to make sure I’d got started before Liam had finished.

As I pushed open the door and saw the man behind songs like Wonderwall, Some Might Say and Live Forever my head was filled with all these unwritten gym etiquette quandaries which I normally struggle with but knew I simply had to get right.

There’s a long list of people smarter than me who’ve invaded Liam Gallagher’s personal space and suffered a verbal bashing. I didn’t want to make my hero angry – not the night before a big gig.

What, if anything, was I supposed to say?

Should I swagger over and invite him on my radio show. That’s what an ambitious radio presenter would do isn’t it?

An interview with a big name would be good for ratings.

But what if Liam didn’t want yet another interview? What if he’d rather just work out in peace and quiet?

This might be the only part of the whole day he actually had to himself. Did I really want to be the guy who ruined that?

I knew what I had to do.

I nodded in Liam’s direction and started running. He got on with his weights. A few minutes later he walked past to get some water.

“Great album Liam,” I said. “I really like it.”

“Thanks man, that’s cool,” he replied.

As he sauntered off to the pool I found myself agreeing with him.

It was cool. I’d handled the situation perfectly. I, Colin Kelly, had become an expert in gym etiquette. I was cool. Liam Gallagher had said so.

It’s a good thing he didn’t see me an hour later in the changing rooms.

As I pulled my jeans out the locker around £5 worth of loose change came spilling out my pocket and went flying everywhere.

If he’d witnessed me scrambling around, trying to pick up all the shrapnel while keeping the towel round my waist, “cool” would have been the furthest word from his mind.

via L4e / source: icrenfrewshire.icnetwork.co.uk

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